Me: You ever just, lay on your bed, stare at the ceiling, and just, think of all the things you ever did in the past?
Amy: Sometimes. But not always. Why?
Me: I dunno. I feel like everything I did to get where I'm at right now sort of...
Me: Failed. So to speak.
Amy: But you're not going to give up, right?
Me: No. Not yet, at least. I still got a few more years before being confined to a wheel chair.
Amy: You should just go to the doctors dude. Get that shit checked out.
Me: That's the thing. It almost feels like a waste of time just going. To hear the white coats repeating the same shit over and over about vitamins and exercising and eating right.
Amy: Well, they can't hold your hand. You know that.
Me: I know. I still can't believe I fucked up my back though. No more dreams of military life. Huy...
Amy: You can still do a lot if you put your heart to it.
Me: Ha... Someone else already has my heart. And she doesn't know it.
Amy: Do you love her?
Me: I do. I'm just not good at showing it. I annoy her more than anything, and she knows it just as much.
Amy: Maybe you can ask her-
Me: No. It's... Kind of pointless. Really. I wish I could see her face for five seconds. That would be enough memory for me to keep going.
Amy: Her face etched into your mind?
Me: My soul. I haven't seen her in fucking, I dunno, three years? I mean, if I were to plot it out, it'd be pretty awkward to hang out. And this is due to the fact that we both have different tastes in things.
Amy: How would you describe her?
Me: Eh. Typical American with a lot of pride and a cold shoulder. But she's not a bad person.
Amy: Not a people's person?
Me: No. Actually... Yeah. I don't know.
Amy: Then she's just like us. Introverts.
Me: Yeah. Let's go with that.
Amy: Have you ever thought about doing something more with her?
Me: Have, but, it's not possible. Not likely and never going to happen.
Me: Nope. No walks. No hanging out. Phone calls. Sex or love making. We're just friends. Strained friends.
Amy: If you could-
Me: Would I wish and change it? Yeah. Video games don't really make me happy anymore. It was just a camouflage to cover the rage of my dysfunctional family. When she left two years ago, I realized what I had lost, and what I could never get back. And now. It's a friend zone thing.
Amy: That's better than nothing though, right?
Me: Yeah. And plus, I'm not boyfriend material, so why does it matter? I'd end up killing people in relationships rather than building strong bonds.
Amy: You said it yourself. Everyone is different.
Me: I sometimes wished I was wrong.
Amy: Mmm... Hey, I gotta go. When's the next time you talking to her?
Me: Saturday. Hopefully.
Amy: All right dude. Be gentle now.
Me: Yeah yeah, I will. Or die trying.
Amy: Take it easy dude.